A Dog's purpose

Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old)
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little b oy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any
difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ec stasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Be always grateful for each new day.

....Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Think before you speak (thanks Kim)

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing differe nt kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with mens' balls.

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with m y daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?

My encounter with a wasp

It all started as a lazy Saturday afternoon, I figured I'd go in the yard and pull some weeds. Well I'm out there for about 20 mins ALONE as that wonderful man of mine is in the house watching tv. I go inside and say to him "ya think you might want to get off your ass and help me??" (which probably saved my life as you'll see later). So, we're both out there pulling weeds and there's a sewer drain right next to the sidewalk where I was pulling the weeds. Now, I've thrown weeds down there many times before so what would make this time any different. I go over to the drain and begin to throw the weeds down there. All of a sudden I feel this pain in my wrist and I'm like, "damn it I got a thorn in my wrist from the weeds." Umm no, the pain then shoots up to my middle finger, and I'm thinking "what the hell 2 thorns?" The whole time I am looking at my wrist and nothing else. Within 5 seconds the pain is excruciating and I scream "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHH", which gets Tom's attention. He looks at me and screams "It's wasps, you were stung, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN". I start running into the house swatting behind my head in case they are there. I've never been stung before and all I can say is, wow, it FREAKIN HURTS!!!!!!!!!! Tom comes running in the house and I am SCREAMING, "HELP ME IT HURTS!!!!!!!" He then proceeds to bring me BACK outside (the last place I wanted to be) and throws MUD on it. ???!???? Yeah, did not help what so ever, and as Lisa explained, probably increased the chance of infection. To make a long story short, my wrist blew up like a balloon and turned bright red which lasted for about 5 hours or so. Since this was the first time I was ever stung it's kind of scary wondering if you're allergic and are going to die. Anyway, we discovered that there's a wasp's nest inside the sewer. Imagine if I was out there alone? I wasn't paying attention to anything but my wrist once I got stung, and as Tom explained when I screamed there were like 10 wasps that came out of the sewer. If I would have just stood there, I would have probably been stung repeatedly since wasps have the ability to sting you over and over again. The moral of the story is, nag your husbands ladies, one day it just may save your life!

RIP Bobby Murcer

Proof!!!

This picture is really of Arod on the on deck circle but when I was uploading the pictures I decided to zoom in on Jeter who's sitting on the bench. He's looking right at me! See for yourselves damn it!

Enter Sandman

Mariano Rivera coming in from the bullpen in the 9th. Once again, me screaming telling Tom I've got the chills!!! And yes, by now I'm feeling no pain thanks to the beers!!!!!!

He gets a hit for me!

Yes, that is me you hear SCREAMING. And yes that's also me that turned the camera on myself and declared my love for him. Tom said it was like watching the Blair Witch Project again.

My last visit to the house that Ruth built

The morning after.. my voice barely audible, my throat scratchy, my head throbbing but the memories of yesterday will last me a lifetime! First of all, I will never again have the chance to sit in the seats I sat in yesterday at Yankee stadium so I enjoyed every single second of it. 5 rows off the field between home plate and Boston's dug out, clear visible view into the Yankee dug out. Seats that Yankee fans would give their first born for so the rain couldn't even get me down.

So we're driving to the stadium and it's pouring. All I'm thinking is dear God this can not be happening. I keep trying to psych myself (and Tom) up, "its better that its raining now so it gets out of the way", yet all I'm screaming in my head is NOOOOOOOO. Tom agrees (probably to make me feel better). We get over the Tappan Zee and at the highest point of the bridge, could it actually be?? The sky looks lighter, even like the sun may come out!!! I say to Tom, "we're good, we're gonna be ok!" Well that lasted for about 15 mins --the closer we get to Yankee stadium, the harder it starts raining. We find a parking lot and I swear the second I get out of the car it starts coming down the hardest it's been. We walk down the block to the stadium (through puddles and all) and get on line to get into the stadium. Of course it's coming down harder now and there's people waiting on line with us saying, "this game is never gonna happen today," once again the voices in my head continue to scream, NOOOOOOOOO!!! We get inside and I decide I need a beer and a hot dog to get the true feel of being at the stadium before they call this game. This is good, we'll kill some time waiting in line and then we'll check out the weather situation. 15 mins and $28 later (2 beers and 2 hot dogs) it's still raining. "OK. Let's walk around the inside of the stadium for a little bit longer and then we'll just go to our seats," I say. We walk, and walk. It's getting hotter inside and I'm attempting to balance my beer, hot dog, umbrella and purse without knocking into anyone.. all the while checking outside as we get to each opening that looks on to the field. Finally here we are at our section. My fingers are crossed, please God let it have stopped. I close my eyes and hold my breath and look. Are my eyes deceiving me?? Have my prayers been answered?? HOLY SHIT, IT STOPPED RAINING!?? OK OK not completely stopped but we're down to a very light sprinkle. Oh my God this game may happen after all! We sit down, my umbrella goes up and we wait... and wait. It's 3:00 and the game is scheduled for a start time of 3:55. At around 3:15 I put my hand out and feel, oh my God the rain has stopped!!!!!!!! My umbrella comes down and I practically take off my top and run around the stadium in joy. 3:25, here come the grounds crew and there they go, they're taking the tarp off! The fans erupt and scream, "LET'S PLAY BALL!!"




It's now 3:30... and the angels begin to sing because there he is in the dug out walking up the stairs of the dug out on to the field to warm up -- ladies and gentleman I give you DEREK JETER. I have to be careful not to piss Tom off too much now, but my God I can't stop staring. Of course I hear alot of "ok Jeannie, grow up", "that's enough Jeannie", etc etc.. but come on, TK, this man is my destiny, we're soul mates. You can't come between us no matter how hard you try!

This young guy and his wife come and sit right next to us. I swear, he looked like a kid in a candy store. He had this HUGE grin on his face and kept saying, "are you serious?? These are my seats??" "Oh my God honey look the grass is RIGHT there!!" He apologized for being enthusiastic and explained that he was a huge Yankee fan and lived in Florida and would NEVER sit in seats like these again. It was so nice to see such enthusiasm from someone that really appreciated being so close to the action. The game starts right on time and we're under way.

My man gets up and grounds out in the first but it's ok, he's nervous because I'm there and TK is probably giving him the look of death so I understand the ground out. Bottom of the 2nd Giambi gets up to bat and I WISH Tom was recording at that time bc I was SCREAMING "come on Dirk Diggler!!!!!!" As you all know, Giambi had started growing a mustache and has been on a hitting streak ever since so he refuses to shave it. The result - he looks like a 70s porn star now, which is why I call him Dirk Diggler from Boogie Nights. Anyway, I had all the fans around me HYSTERICAL with my Dirk Diggler cheer. Giambi walks and is on first. Robbie Cano singles and Giambi is now on 2nd. Melky gets up and singles to right and holy shit, here comes Giambi rounding third!!!!!! The play at the plate, he's safe!!!! This is where I make my first television appearance of the day. We taped the game and went back and watched it last night. When Giambi gets up and starts walking over to the dug out, you see me with my hands up in the air screaming like a lunatic.

Things are pretty quiet up until the 6th despite the 7, yes 7 batters that are hit through out the game. I still can't believe there wasn't a brawl! Which I must admit, I secretly wished for. I told the guy next to me if there was a brawl I'd be involved in the brawl myself. Him being the excited first time Yankee stadium attendee told me he'd be right behind me -- yay, I have an accomplice!

There was about a half hour span where Tom was gone for some hot dogs and beers and left me alone. I surveyed the situation.. I've got Jeter on the on deck circle, no more than 50 feet away. I can casually walk down the 5 steps to get me to the first row, remove my flip flips and jump the 2 feet tall "wall" there. I'd get to Jeter for sure before the cops tackled me. What would I say? Would he laugh? Would he try to prevent the cops from tackling me? Wait a second, I don't have a pen in my purse, how am I gonna give him my phone #??? Do I just scream it out to him as I brace myself for the blow of a 200 lb man tackling me? Do I run with a camera and try and get a picture of us together? No, that wont work. All the cops will see is me running onto the field with something black in my hands. They'll think it's a gun and shoot me dead for sure. At this point I don't even see the cops around and here I am faced with the decision of a lifetime. A mere 50 feet comes between me and this man that will probably think I'm some whacko if I decide to make a run for it. I'll leave him wondering as he swings his bat watching me think, "who is that mysterious blonde in the white hat?"

Tom Kraus finally returns and explains that he experienced a little situation of his own. As he stood online waiting for a beer and hot dogs, the police were busy tackling ANOTHER woman (so, THAT'S where they were!!). A rowdy drunk BAREFOOT Boston fan was being restrained on the floor. All the while I'm thinking my God that could have been me, thank God I came to my senses!!

We scored another run in the bottom of the 6th thanks to the rookie Gardner who sac flied to right and had Betemit score.

On to the 7th, where I make my 2nd tv appearance of the day. Now I don't remember much about the 7th especially bc when I went back and watched the game last night, a relief pitcher came in for the Yankees and I do NOT remember it happening what so ever! Could have been the beers, could have also been the event that scared the shit out of me. I was either looking in the dug out or on the field for Jeter, not sure which it was but I wasn't paying attention. All of a sudden Tom SCREAMS "Watch out!!!!!!!!" I'm like what the hell is going on? I look all around me and everyone is looking straight up in the air!! OMG it's a foul ball and it's headed this way! I look up and it seemed like it was hanging above my head for about 15 seconds or so, I proceed to cover my head like a gang of thugs are targeting me in a drive by, and crouch down as low as I can. I'm hearing the words "Stop. Drop. Roll." The things they taught us in school if there was ever a fire. My God, why hasn't this fn ball dropped yet??!? I'm still crouching tiger hidden dragon covering my head as I'm sliding back and forth which I'm sure will be coming to a dance club around you soon!! FINALLY the ball drops, 3 rows in front of me and I breathe a sigh of relief. The last thing I wanted was to be carried out of Yankee stadium on a stretcher.. Oh wait, that could have been my moment!!! DAMN!! Destiny so close once again.

Farnsworth comes in at the top of the 8th and I'm thinking, "My God this is where it goes down the drain," but to my surprise, he pitches like an ace! By now, I am drunk and practically celebrating our win already. "BRING IN MO'!!!!!!!!!!!!" I scream as we go into the bottom of the 8th. We go out 1, 2, 3 in the bottom of the 8th and I rise to my feet watching the bull pen. I hear the first 3 bars of ENTER SANDMAN (the one and only Mariano Rivera's theme song) and start screaming like I just won a million dollars (please see video).

This is where it gets scary. And I mean so scary that I thought I was having a heart attack. JD Drew comes up and singles. Ok, we're ok, it's just a single, no outs. We'll be fine. Ramirez comes up and Rivera hits him (3rd time of the game that Manny was hit!) Oh my God, the ump is gonna toss Rivera is all I'm thinking. No warning, nothing!! What is happening here? The man has 22 saves this year and it's 1st and 2nd with no outs???? Moss comes in to pinch run for Ramirez. Lowell comes up and singles, here comes Moss to score. Oh dear God almighty this is NOT happening. Still NO OUTS. Youkilis comes up and Rivera HITS HIM!!!!!!! Bases are loaded, still NO OUTS. Now, I am standing up with my hands on my head. I am thinking this is going to be the worst $500 I have ever lost in my entire life. I look around and I'm not the only one with my hands on my head. People have their face in their hands, I swear I may have even seen some men with tears in their eyes. CoCo Crisp comes up (who I like to refer to as Fruit Loops, Frankenberry and Count Chocula) and strikes out. Ok, ok that's the Rivera I love, come on you can do it!! There's 1 out and the bases are still loaded. Varitek comes up and pops up. Oh my GOD we may win this after all. Now, I AM SCREAMING on the top of my lungs. I look around me and not all of my fellow Yankee fans are standing with me!! Are they nuts???!! "GET THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!" I scream and motion for them to get up. THEY DO! We are all standing, screaming for Mo and clapping. Lugo is up. Ball 1. Second pitch he swings right through it, strike 1. Third pitch fastball he looks at, called strike. Now, I am practically standing on my seat screaming like it's the World Series and we're about to win. 4th pitch called a ball. This is where I take a moment and look around me. I will never in my life experience this again, this will be a frozen moment in time for the rest of my life and I will never forget it. 5th pitch he swings right through it, it's a strike. OH MY GOD WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The place erupts in thunder, I am jumping up and down high fiving Tom. Tom is hugging the Florida guy we met a few hours ago, the place is INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!! I take one more minute to look at the field. Wouldn't you know it, the sun is shining. I like to think that was you Babe throwing in some rays of sunshine right as we won the game. So this is it. I say "Good bye Yankee stadium".

You're the place I visited when I was 7 years old where I can remember the fans running on the field when we won the play offs (when it was LEGAL to do that). Good bye to the place where in 1995 I watched a young rookie named Derek Jeter start his career. Good bye to the place where I've watched endless old footage of Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Roger Maris, Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, Reggie Jackson, Ron Guidry, Bucky Dent , and Don Mattingly play. Good bye to the place where I listened to The Scooter talk about cannolis and his bride (and sometimes about the game, ha ha ha). Good bye to the place where David Wells and David Cone threw their perfect games that I watched on tv. Good bye to the place where the President of the United States threw out the first ball after the terrorist attacks of September 11th.

Good bye to you my Yankee Stadium, I will never forget you.

Now on to the new stadium in 2009!

Dance Party USA

OMG, I was such a DANCE PARTY USA fanatic back in the late 80's early 90's!! Check out the outfits and the HAIR!!!!!!! You see, I wasn't the only one with hair that big! I had no idea polka dots were so popular back then but as you can see in the video, they were. And can you say Cavaricci's?? There's some girl wearing the same exact pair I owned, the light blue ones with the flap in the front.

Now how can I leave out the dance moves. I think I mastered them all back in the day at Let's Dance. Oh yes, it's true!

I had a dream......

I've just awoken from a dream... a strange dream at that.

I was on the Titanic and met Johnny Depp. Now when I say Johnny Depp I mean the 21 Jump Street/ Donnie Brasco / MTV awards in June Johnny Depp. Not the Secret Window / Pirates of the Caribbean Johnny Depp. Anyway, we met and I was trying to get him in the sack-- I know I know, usually when I'm trying to get someone in the sack in my dreams it's Derek Jeter. I'm thinking it may have been from Tom's comment on Wednesday at lunch in the city. He said that our waiter looked like a cross between Johnny Depp / Skeet Ulrich (of course he didn't know his name, he said "the killer from Scream,").

So, I'm trying to get JD in the sack and he's playing hard to get with me. So I'm getting a bit annoyed here. I'm 35 and I have no time for the games Johnny and after all, this is just a damn dream, can you just work with me here!?? So finally, he gives in and kisses me by the pool/kitchen area at like 2 am in the dark. I know, pool/kitchen area? Don't ask.

He kisses me and all of a sudden, I'm in Yonkers whisked away from JD (I guess I survived the Titanic's sinking) and I'm like I have to get to work I have to get work, I forgot to give this to Liz (my boss). Then I woke up.....

Anyone want to try and analyze that doozy of a dream?